Phantom Faces In The Windows
by Miss Rose Weasley
Summary: Eponine has been saved by a mysterious tribe of cats at the barricade...   UNDER CONSTRUCTION
1. Eponine Looses Her Cat

**Chapter 1: In Which Eponine Looses Her Cat**

It was late, the night before the barricade. Marius, while his own eyes were stinging, noticed that Eponine seemed to be shedding a few tears of her own.

"Is everything okay?" he asked her.

Well, Eponine's no idiot. She's not going to blurt, "Well, I hate my parents, so I'm so worried you'll hate me because of my parents, and I'm madly in love with you, but you love Cosette so basically I'm going to spend the rest of my life imagining things and living by myself." No, she told him the little detail that was making her cry just then (when you've been spilling your eyes out for a year it gets kinda old).

"I can't find my cat," she said.

"Your cat?" repeated Marius, perplexed. He hadn't known she even owned a cat. "I didn't know you even owned a cat."

"Well, I did," said Eponine. "I called her Romaine. She was a very nice cat, and though I don't think she had a very nice life with me, I hoped she still appreciated everything I tried to do for her." 'Ponine sighed. "She was an old cat. I'll bet she's… in that big kitty heaven in the sky." She paused, adding, "_If _there truly is a God." _Which I'm sure there isn't, _she thought bitterly.

"That's a shame," said Marius. "What did she look like?"

"Her fur was worn, she was grey but apparently once black," replied 'Ponine. She didn't want to think about poor Romaine. She knew exactly how the old queen must've felt.

"I think Cosette had a cat, too," said Marius. "Um… well… she told me she did, when she was a little girl. She said her father told her the cat died, because it was a really old cat. It turns out he was actually allergic…."

_Cosette. Don't talk to me about Cosette, _thought Eponine bitterly. (Yeah, she's a bitter character.)

"I miss her," the friends found themselves muttering at the same time.

"Oh, sorry," said Marius. "You were saying?"

Eponine shrugged. "Oh, nothing. It's just… she was a pretty sad cat when I found her. And, well, I'm not rich. Look at me." She gestured to her dress of rags. "I did the best I could for her, but… the poor thing looked almost as bad as me." She chuckled.

"Well, I'm sure there's a cat heaven somewhere," said Marius. "I, for one, believe that there _is _a God."

"_The Heaviside Layer," _whispered Ponine. Marius didn't hear her. No one did. But Ponine was not clueless. She had seen the day her cat died. She knew it all. And she also had a little chat with the king of the cats, the one that sent her Romaine—or should she say GRIZABELLA—to the Heaviside Layer. This cat, that had once been an eight-year-old Cosette's, but had given Jean Valjean allergy problems. This cat, whose name, as you probably have guessed, whose name was Old Deuteronomy.


	2. A Little Fall of Rain

**Chapter Two: In Which We Learn the Truth Behind A Little Fall of Rain**

We all know what happens here, or do we?

According to all of our knowledge, Eponine dies in Marius's arms after being shot in the arm.

Is she really dead?

(Man, I really wish somehow I could get all of this dramatic information on the next page.)

This is what really happened:

After the scenario we like to call 'Night of Anguish', Marius lay Eponine's body down where it would not be damaged. What, did you really think that was her funeral? This was one of his best friends. He wasn't going to let her rot in the sewers. (I mean, you wouldn't if one of your best friends died for you. Because that would just be rude.) He sighed, and kissed her forehead one last time, for good measure.

A large old cat came walking by at that moment when the body, supposedly dead, stirred ever so slightly.

"Get Jennyanydots," he muttered to himself. Don't ask why. Maybe he was making a mental note, maybe he just enjoyed talking to himself, maybe he was hallucinating and he thought there was another cat, a sexy talk-show host kitty named Paulina Jones, right next to him. (Yes, she would be a relative of Bustopher Jones, just not as… fat.) And if any of these except the first actually was the case, then be surprised, be very surprised, that Enjolras didn't walk by, point, and say, "Look, Grantaire. There's a kitty that belongs in a mental institute." Then again, if Grantaire wasn't there—which he probably wasn't, seeing as I said ENJOLRAS walked up and did not mention his best friend—then Enjolras belonged in the mental institution, too.

Nevertheless, the old cat ran to a large junkyard. "Jenny, help me," he told an old red tabby queen who was teaching a white queen kitten how to knit. "There's someone that needs our help."

The queen went with the tom to where Eponine was lying. "Oh, she's seriously injured," she told him. "Get Jelly. I'll need the help."

So the old tom rushed back to the junkyard and, panting (he was reeeeeeally out of shape, but you would be too if you'd spent the past 50 years sitting on a monster truck tire), said to an old brown tabby queen, "Jelly *huff* Jenny *huff* needs your *huff* help with *huff*—"

Luckily for him, before he could pass out from lack of breath, the brown queen ran ahead of him. She soon found 'Ponine and Jennyanydots. The old tom looked around twice, chuckled in that uncertain way, and crept back into the junkyard to get a nice long nap.

"We need to get her back," said the cat called Jelly.

"But, dear," said Jennyanydots, "I think she has a boyfriend. If she disappears…."

"Believe me," said the cat called Jelly.

And so, with the help of Jenny and Jelly, Eponine was carried into the junkyard.


	3. 3: Marius Sees Shadows

Whatever happened to Eponine's body, Marius didn't know. Shame, he was truly hoping to give it a proper funeral, the kind beggar children like her never got to have.

Did you know Marius liked taking walks? Well, he did, and very much at that. But while taking this walk, he happened to notice a shadow.

A shadow that looked remarkably like Eponine.

**(SHORT CHAPTER—GET OVER IT.)**


	4. 4: A Reputation Is A Bad Thing

Please note that this chapter, though the title is "A Reputation Is A Bad Thing", is not about Tugger and Bomba's hidden love for each other.

Okay, okay, once you've all regained consciousness, I'll tell you who this chapter is about:

MUNGOJERRIE AND RUMPELTEAZER!!!

…are you kidding me? Mungo and Teazer!!! "We 'ave an extensive REPUTATION…" Ringing any bells yet? Ah, whatever. *slaps forehead*

Now, Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer are my SECOND favorite kitties to write about. (Three guesses who the first is, and two don't count, unless you've never met me or read any of my other stories. Then they do. Well, one of them does, at least.)

But anyway. Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer, who for now are living in 1825 France (actually they're living in 2010 New York but anywho) are known throughout the streets of Rue Plumet, Rue de Villet, and just about any other rue you can think of. There was one guy who equally matched their skills of robbery, but was as wicked as Macavity…

THEN—wait a second. Did you ACTUALLY THINK THAT I MEANT JAVERT?!? DID YOU MISS THE PART ABOUT _**ROBBERY**_?!?

IT'S THENARDIER, YOU FOOLS!!!

And Thenardier thought, _How the hell does a CAT rob people? You guys are just insane. _And to make up for it, he swore at random people on the street. But you know, he did that anyway, so who really cares, except for the random people on the street. But there weren't a lot of them, because the whores and urchins and beggars were dying—I think it was a black plague or something, but you know I might be in the wrong time period—in that case let's just say there were a lot of angry women.

So one day he saw Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer themselves, and he started to swear at them too, until he noticed something:

_Why the hell is that cat wearing a pearl necklace?_

So he said to them,

"_Welcome, chats. Sit yourself down, _

_And meet the best innkeeper in town!"_

No, no, I'm just kidding. He didn't begin to sing 'Master of the House' (or a kitty version of 'Master of the House').

…wanna know why?

BECAUSE:

HE HAD LOST HIS INN TEN YEARS AGO!!!

You know what? Screw this chapter. It makes absolutely no sense. Let's just say Thenardier just tried to step on Rumpelteazer and got a huge boo-boo on his leg thanks to Mungojerrie. I don't even know WHY I started to write this in the first place.

…but do you know what?

Then I'll tell you:

This chapter was a lot of fun to write.

So you can have a laugh, and forget everything that was in this chapter. ^..^


	5. Javert Rants About Mungo and Teazer

…okay I lied. So if you're a nice person and you really DID forget everything in chapter 4 (or just an easily bored person a VERY easily bored person) then go back and reread it and this time REMEMBER SOMETHING!!! Those of you who are jerks and didn't forget any of it… I'll let it slide. This ONE time. Remember, you will be expected to forget it all after this chapter!!!

Forget Thenardier. Right now he's hopping up and down the streets of Paris, shrieking "Ooh!" and clutching his leg—right or left, it doesn't matter, you pick. This makes it easier for Javert to stalk him, though he'd much rather be stalking Jean Valjean, even though he doesn't have the faintest clue where this guy is. (I'll give you a clue: RIGHT DOWN THE FREAKIN STREET!!!) Javert seriously needs a new hobby.

Anyway, Javert isn't happy. He never is. He's feelingless and cold and in desperate need of a haircut, right?

Wrong.

Well, the second two are right. But as for the first one, everyone needs some feeling.

First of all, he has to feel hatred. He hates his parents. And he hates Jean Valjean too, right? Why else would he be stalking him, then to send him to jail? Unless… yuck, that's just creepy. We've got enough gay dudes in this musical. Well, one pair is enough isn't it?!? THIS IS 1825, PEOPLES!!!!!! DID GAYNESS EVEN EXIST BACK THEN?!?

Anyway, I'm off subject. He also has to feel evilness, because he is evil. Okay, that's a back example. Javert's not evil, he's just a train that fell off the choo-choo track a long time ago. Or he could be both… hmm pondering….

Back on the hatred. Javert seriously hated one more thing, and that was:

A PAIR OF CATS.

Very dramatic, Javert. I'm impressed. I hated a pair of cats, too. Their names with McLlamaBillieBobFlapjackMcgee and George F Johnson. They stole my cookies in kindergarten class.

I'm just joking. About the cookies, and the cats whose names I am afraid to type again, in fear I'm going to wet my bed while wearing my awesomely awesome CATS Fan Club Tee-Shirt. He really did hate a pair of cats, and they were named Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer. (And if you didn't guess that loong before I started this chapter that you must be reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally stupid.)

I dare you to go up and ask Javert, "Excuse me. Do you know where Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer are?"

This guy, I think his name was Hector, and he asked Javert that question.

"NO I DON'T!!!" Javert spat. "Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer are so annoying and they took the front button off of my coat! I'm going to commit suicide when they have kittens!" (ha—the truth behind Javert's Suicide!) "I don't even like cats. They give me a rash. Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer aren't cool enough to have their own song which hasn't been invented yet! I don't even know their names!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

See? Don't you wish you did it?

Just for kicks, Hector (this just in—his middle name is Ghengis! FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCY!) asked him exactly 20.2 seconds later, "Excuse me. Do you know where Jean Valjean lives?"

Javert pulled out most of his hair, but still not enough. Hector GHENGIS added that he had to take him a box of strawberry banana chocolate flowers (don't ask just random stupidness) but thankfully for the musical lovers, he did not give away the address of Jean Valjean (55 Rue Plumet—duh).


	6. I Wrap Up This Crap&Hope I Don't GetSued

That title, which I also turned into a song, is to the tune of that really dumb Noggin Birthday Song that plays five months before you birthday but stops cold when it actually IS your birthday.

But anyway. That has nothing to do with anything.

Now in this chapter which will hopefully be slightly sane, Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer are caught by a healed AND LIVING Ponine.

"Stop it!" she shrieked. It was her parents' old inn, where they lived. "Oh," she said. "Yeah, go ahead."

The reason she had told them to stop at first was because they reminded her of her parents, robbing innocent people. But her parents weren't innocent.

"Hey Eponine!" came a voice. Startled, Ponine turned around and saw Marius running towards her. It was quite a sight, in his straight tuxedo and sweaty face and curly hair.

"Where were you?" he asked.

"The Junkyard," she answered.

"WHAT did you just say?"

"The Junkyard. Here. I'll show you."

"No you won't," said Mungojerrie.

"Junkyard's off limits," added Rumpelteazer.

"Even you, 'Ponine," said Mungojerrie.

At his words, Mistoffelees appeared out of nowhere, said "BAM!", and used his awesome magic powers to make Eponine loose her memory about the Jellicle cats. Marius, too.

"Thank you for shopping," he said, as he and his friends walked back to the Junkyard.

**The End**


End file.
